It’s Been A While…Again

I’m so bad at keeping up with things, but one thing that I do know is that I will forever come back to blogging-just because it is such a nice thing to do. It helps me organize my thoughts, and all that good stuff. Kind of gives me direction-if I am being completely honest.

I’ve complained about how anti-social I am, and how I was lonely-all that jazz. I’m sure you can find some older blogs where I would talk about the shittiness of being a loner. Yeah, well this fall semester I went out of my comfort zone, and it’s been an interesting experience to say the least.

I’ve made a group of friends, and we hang out religiously-most specifically on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. It’s been a good semester with them. The sad thing is that the semester is almost over, and two of the people in this group of friends are exchange students. One of them is leaving for sure this semester, and the other is unsure if he will be allowed to come back. I’m hoping that everything works out for him because I don’t want to lose him. He’s a good friend.

I’ve experienced so much with this group of friends, and I can’t say I regret being introverted for my first two years of college. It was worth the wait because these friends I made are the truest form of friends. We stick together, and it feels like I have known them my whole life. It’s been an interesting change of pace with them. I am the happiest I have been here, and it’s been an amazing junior year so far.

I study a bit more than I used to, but my study habits are still pretty damn horrible. I’ve gotten better, but it’s still a struggle to study consistently. The homework, the reading, and the tests are just normalcy in my life now, and some days I just don’t want to do anything (most days…yeah most days I don’t want to do anything). I have always felt pressured by family to be the “good” child of the family. The one who gets the good grades. The one who doesn’t go out. The one who can be depended upon to be home at any hour. It’s just exhausting to live up to the expectations.

I was a pretty complacent daughter for a while, but at some point there has to be a breaking point. Sometimes these breaking points work out nicely, but really in reality there is always chaos that reigns. I’ve been experiencing my life as a college student more, and what I mean by this is that I’ve been exploring myself. Yeah, that involves drinking and some other things that I really don’t care to mention, but I’ve been living. It may sound bad, but freedom is something that I’ve been scared to experience because one always hears about the outcomes of bad decisions.

Well when one makes a decision-how does one know if it is a bad or a good decision? If I let my insecurities control me, then how will I grow up? How will I experience my limits? How will I learn to judge? It’s all about making wrong choices, and figuring out what you really want from something/someone. I’m not saying it’s easy to let go of the control, but it’s liberating. I’ve controlled my life. I’ve controlled myself from experiencing things, and I can’t say that it was the best choice. I just want to live more freely from now on-without worrying too much about the outcomes. Of course there will be exceptions, but I’m looking forward to this new outlook.

So if anyone that follows my blog didn’t know…I’m a huge nerd. I turned out this way mostly because most of my cousins and my brother. I used to hang out with them a lot when I was little. I’m like the only girl in the circle, so sometimes I tend to act like a guy in some aspects. My brother had the biggest influence on me though. I learned about video games, music, sports, manga, and anime from my brother. It’s amazing really, but this past week has been a sad week for me.

Naruto-which I have been watching since I was in middle school ended. I was really upset, but I was also extremely happy because my OTP (one true pairing) ended up together. Ever since I started reading Naruto I always wanted Sasuke and Sakura to end up together, and in the end they did. I was extremely happy, and I met some really nice people from this fandom.

What I didn’t enjoy was the aftermath of the last chapter releases. There was a lot of dishing and unpleasantries going on about the end. It was extremely distasteful. I wish people would be more considerate towards others. There were people trying to get Naruto banned because they didn’t like the ending. There were others who were harassing Kishimoto and his assistant. You have a right to be upset if Naruto didn’t end the way you wanted it to, but you have no right to so blatantly disrespect the creator. Without Kishimoto there would be no Naruto in the first place. It’s just frustrating to me how fans can act this way. When you make your own story for over 15 years, then you have the right to end it the way you want. The hate seriously needs to stop.

The last part of the blog was just a little tangent, but yeah…Anyway hopefully I can blog more seriously now. I hope to continue blogging…hopefully more frequently, but I won’t make any promises. I hope everyone has a lovely day.

Sometimes The Pain Is Too Great

Pain

My chest is aching and breaking.
There is no need to try and fix it.
It will forever remain the same.

There was no specific being who broke it.
Not one, not two, but many more. 
Yet there is no reason for blame.

No one was as harsh as I was. 
Nobody ever looked down enough on me to see through. 
I was just an obnoxious sweet girl. 
Nothing more and nothing less…

That’s all there is to it. 
I am my own worst enemy,
My own worst nightmare…
Everything I am and do is hateful.

I listen, I care, and I try so hard sometimes.
But that’s not enough, at least not anymore. 
Not enough, Not enough,
I know it isn’t fair, 
But I just want those things as well. 

The kisses,
The laughs, 
The unity,
And the companionship. 

I just want to leave…
far, far away with you 
Never look back, 
And dream. 

~Timafa~
I wish things were as simple as they used to be, but I know it won’t ever be that way again.  

Computer Crash

I was happily watching The Big Bang Theory when my computer decided to crash. It downloaded something that I didn’t even give permission for it to download and it went bonkers. My hard drive disappeared and all the stuff I had was basically erased. Wanna know something that totally saved my butt? I had enough smartness in me to back up all the files I had on my computer to my flash drives earlier. Like literally that is probably a pretty lucky break? Is it not? The bad thing is that I can hardly do anything on this computer now, and it’s not even mine it’s the schools. At our high school we rent computers…Okay so after rebutting everything seems to be working well except for the fact that this program that I supposedly “installed” refuses to uninstall. I honestly don’t want to take this to the tech because well it’s working fine for now…I’ll try to live with it for now. I honesty have no clue what just happened, but I’m glad that it’s back to normal I guess. Oh well it went back to being douchy…not working anymore. On to my true blog entry…

Do you remember those days when you were free to do as you liked? When you lived without a care in the world? Looking back you remember all those childhood memories. The days you spent out in the daylight playing in the swings, and those days when the rain obscured your chances of kicking around the soccer ball. Looking back do you remember all that has changed? How you grew, matured, and fell. Many things have changed in your eyes your views, your points, and your friends. You have changed and you have learned from the mistakes you made. Do you miss that innocence? That childhood freedom to do as you please?

Sometimes things seemed to be so wrong, but yet you managed to pull on through. You fought against all those odds that pulled you back. Do you feel like you have succeeded? Do you feel like all that hard work was worth all that pain and relief?

~Timafa~

All those late nights were worth every second of my time.

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Day 7 – Your dream wedding.
My dream wedding I’ve never really thought about this too much. To be honest I have actually thought about the kind of person I want to end up with. 🙂 I guess I can give you a short briefing on what my dream wedding will be. I want it to be on the beach in California (I haven’t decided the exact location…yet). I want the ceremony to happen when the sun is setting and I want the waves to be crashing on shore. I want it to be beautiful, and I want my closest friends and my family to be there. I want my husband to be sweet and understanding ;). I want to wear a nice white, fluffy, long, graceful wedding gown. My dream wedding is actually quite simple. I never really liked “extreme” things. I am a kind of simplistic girl.

To be honest today was one of the worst Monday’s ever! It was probably due to the fact that I slept too late, and that I didn’t do much of the work I needed to do. I really wanted to blog last night, but that so didn’t happen. T_T When I got home from school today I ate, and then I just completely crashed on my bedroom floor. (My bed is at our new house D: cause we are moving in this week!) It was a long and nice, relaxing nap. I wished it was longer, but my mother woke me up. It’s a good thing she did cause I still needed to do/catch up on some homework for school. I feel like the days are getting longer and more exhausting…it’s definitely not a wonderful thing in my book.

Alas I have to leave because today I start running again 🙂 YIPPEE! No more laying on my butt, expecting to shed those unwanted pounds. Hahaha I do feel like running cause believe it or not it made me feel less tired sometimes. It took away my soreness and fragility. Running makes me feel free. It makes me feel like I can accomplish anything, and if I close my eyes and feel the wind that rushes to meet me it almost feels like I can fly…fly away and never come back…

I feel like crying ): not in the I am depressed sense, but in the I want to read/watch something sad cause I’m just in that type of mood. It’s hard to explain, but today is one of those days were I feel kind of sad (for no good reason)…I just feel like I want to cry. I think it’s a good thing considering how some days I feel like punching a wall repeatedly. 🙂 Here are some inspiration pictures to shedding those pounds, and to be free.

 

 

 

 

Day 8 – A song to match your mood.
Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.
Day 10 – A photo of your favorite place to eat.
Day 11 – What’s in your makeup bag?
Day 12 – A photograph of the town you live in.
Day 13 – Your favorite musician and why?
Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to.
Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without.
Day 16 – Your celebrity crush.
Day 17 – A photo of you and your family.
Day 18 – Something you crave a lot.
Day 19 – Another picture of yourself.
Day 20 – The meaning behind your blog name.
Day 21 – A photo of something that makes you happy.
Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
Day 23 – 15 facts about you.
Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.
Day 25 – What’s in your purse?
Day 26 – A photo of somewhere you’ve been to.
Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?
Day 28 – Your favorite movie.
Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing.
Day 30 – A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days

~Timafa~

Sometimes loving yourself isn’t enough anymore.